How can i be how i used to?

Well I'm thirteen and before middle school maybe in like 4th grade and younger, I used to b e really quiet. Then in 4th grade somehing happend with me and my so called friends and i became very self consious of myself. Like wearing a jacket everyday. Then in 5th grade I started to be a little louder adn making more friends. Then i went to middle school still wearing the jacket, still kinda consious. Then i got really depressed for a while after winter break ((i think i have S.A.D)) and i wore lots o black that school year and everyone thought i was goth or emo. I didnt really know what that was so i looked it up and it sounded a lot like me((im emotional and kinda morbid ((no cutting or anything)))). Well at the end of the school year i moved to a new city and i got louder and kinda more emo-y and goth-y((i still get asked that but i deny it)). Well sometimes my friends say that im really loud and its annoying ((i kino its true)) but i can''t stop it. I wanna learn how to be how i used